Thursday, April 12, 2018

"Edger" by David Beem


EXCERPT and GIVEAWAY
Edger
by David Beem

Edger by David Beem

Edger by David Beem is currently on tour with Goddess Fish Promotions. The tour stops here today for an excerpt and a giveaway. Please be sure to visit the other tour stops as well.


Description
It’s been said every story must start somewhere. Ours begins with a professional dork. The kind who fixes computers and lives in his gran’s basement. The kind tapped by destiny (that saucy minx) to become the world’s first superhero!
And not a moment too soon …
A nano-sized artificial intelligence is on the loose! It got itself dart-gunned into a cow butt by a frog man in a porn store! Two stoners are corrupting it on twitter! And that’s just the first three pages!!
Join our dork of destiny as he channels the collective unconscious—his psychic superpower - in a harrowing tale of high drama, romance, betrayal, revenge, jesus chickens, cocaine, weirdos, magicians, ninjas, nfl spies, and disco ball water torture administered to the tune of rapture, by blondie. My god, man, what does it all mean!?
It means uncorking that next bottle of wine isn’t only a good idea - it’s advisable.


Excerpt
Water and glass shower the dance floor. Needle scratches vinyl. Hattori Hanzo seizes control instinctively and I land with the grace of a ninja. Mary, who has no dead ninja in her head, thuds with the grace of a turkey carcass dropped from the Level Two parapet of Westfield Horton Plaza.
“Kill them!” someone yells.
“Don’t kill them!” I yell back, figuring that’s got to be worth a try.
Shots are fired. Screaming patrons run and duck for cover. A bullet ricochets off the wall. I grab Mary by the ropes binding her, and drag her behind a nearby couch.
More gunfire.
I chance a peek. Caleb Montana is near the front door, exchanging shots with two Nostradamus agents hiding behind a life-size statue of Caleb in his quarterback uniform, one arm cocked back, preparing to pass the football, and the other stretched out in front, pointing.
I round on Mary, who flings her wet hair back like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Water sprays my supersuit’s visor.
“Cut me loose.”
“Right, right,” I say, feeling around on my utility belt. Jeez, I’ve never tried to locate anything without someone helping me from the Collective Unconscious. There are a lot of things here. I pull a tiny ball out, and the nano-technology grows into a switchblade-shaped object. Seems promising. I flick it on. Blue flame blows out from the end.
“Holy crap!”
“Come on, quit fooling around.”
“Don’t rush me! Do you have any idea how stressful this is?”
“Come on,” she says, her voice husky, cheek to floor, back arched, butt in the air.
“You never see Batman having this problem,” I mutter.
[Want more? Click below to read a longer excerpt.]


Praise for the Book
“Beem laces his absurdist plot with kooky imagery. The AI’s biological host is, at one point, a cow, and a nearly 300-pound defensive tackle may be a spy. These gags make it… Outlandish, hectic, and sometimes illogical but undeniably entertaining.” ~ Kirkus Reviews
“I loved the character development, the humor and all the little fandom jokes Edger had to offer. From start to finish David Beam had me hooked. You can’t go wrong with a ‘high tech super-advanced nano-artificial intelligence’ that thinks it might be a neo-Nazi anarchist cow. If you like quirky characters and dialog, a little science fiction, artificial intelligence and superhero’s than you’ll enjoy Edger.” ~ Mahornick
“Beem offers a somewhat unique blend of science fiction and humor. If you are looking for a deep, complicated, save-the-world-from-artificial-intelligence-gone-bad; this is probably not your book. However; if you enjoy reading those save-the-world-from-artificial-intelligence-gone-bad - and enjoy a slightly cynical, nerdy-yet-humorous view of the world - this book is a fun blend of science fiction and humor.” ~ Angela
“OMG - this book was really different but amazing at the same time. David Beem does an amazing job of describing the characters and the action that is taking place. […] I seriously hope that David Beem plans to write a continuation of this book - because I am sure it will also be a hit!” ~ Sue Ann B
“You won’t find any major plot twists in this book and I wouldn’t call it a page-turner, but it’s a very entertaining read. It’s funny which is pretty cool. I had moments where I literally did LOL! If you’re looking for something different from your normal beach read, then this is something to try out. It’s a science fiction novel full of many funny moments and a main character that you can’t help but fall in love with.” ~ Amazon Customer


Playlist


  
About the Author
David Beem
David Beem enjoys superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family and crippling self-doubt. Help actualize David’s inner confidence. Visit his website today and buy all the stuff.





Giveaway
Enter the tour-wide giveaway for a chance to win a $50 Amazon or B&N gift card.


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